A Mother's Pregnancy Problems
No mother expects their child to have problems when they become pregnant. Its not something that really registers into our minds. We’re more excited, happy, nervous, scared, and all the emotions in between when we find out. From there, we just want to make sure that our babies grow as their suppose to inside our bellies. I mean it never crossed my mind that something could go wrong…..until it did.
My father had a heart murmur and I never really needed to know he had one, until I needed to know my family’s medical history during my pregnancy with Kylie. They had found an irregular heart beat with her inside my uterus and even though I had the best doctors in St.Louis it is still hard to pinpoint exactly what is going on threw an ultrasound machine. I would have to go in 3 times a week and sit for a half hour or more while they monitored her breathing & heart rate. They would strap these things around my belly and I would just have to sit there while the printer was printing out her every heart beat. I can’t tell you how many times I just sat there and thought about all the “what if’s”. Sometimes I would try to distract myself by playing games on my phone or my mom would talk to me trying to help me keep my mind off of it. The matter of the fact was, that there WAS something wrong and they had hoped they found the right thing that was wrong but she tolled me to be prepared for anything during delivery.
At about 7 months Kylie had stopped growing. My umbilical cord had stopped flowing nutritious to her but they wanted to wait and see if she would grow anymore before taking any serious actions. So I went in for my 8th month check up, all while still getting Kylie’s breathing & heart rate monitored every couple of days. I went in at 9 A.M. in the morning just like any other check up, but this time was different. My doctor told me that she still wasn’t growing and that my cervix was so paper thin that she could potentially just “fall out”. Them were his exact words. As they put me in a wheelchair to take me to delivery, every horrible outcome started to race threw my mind. So, I started to pray, pray that god knew my path before I did, that whatever the outcome, he would never give me more than I could handle, and that he would keep us both safe.
They induced me, gave me an epidural, and fluids. Then we waited. The whole day seems like a fog to me. I didn’t have her until 10:24 P.M. (I thought it was morning time still) They had prepared to rush her to surgery if need be, but in the first 2 days of her birth, they listened, they monitored, did tests and scans, to find out that she had a heart murmur in the bottom chamber of her heart or VSD (ventricular septal defect). She was born only 5 ounces and then dropped down to 4.5 ounces. (after babies are born they loose 10% of their body weight) They decided to take us both down to the NICU and that’s where we stayed for about 3 weeks as they kept monitoring her and so she could gain weight.
I never left. I drove home once for clothes once and in the few hours I was gone all I wanted to do was be there with her. It was hard, to say the least. I was there by myself. Family would come and visit here and there but everyone had to work and life still went on for them. For me, it seemed like time stood still. But as I looked around at all the other babies in the NICU, I realized that I was blessed, it could always be worse right? but it still didn’t make me feel any less scared. They told me that this was something that would have to be monitored for the rest of her life and she could still end up needing heart surgery one day. They made it sound like heart surgery was nothing and that they do it everyday, but I knew better.
Threw out the years, she has had some complications. Like she has asthma and has to use an inhaler. When she gets sick, its not like a normal kid’s cold, she gets short of breath and these colds can turn into bronchitis or ammonia very easily. But for the most part, we have been very blessed. Over time the skin inside the heart has grown over the hole but the hole is still there. So until it is fully closed I have to just be a very aware parent and make sure that certain symptoms don’t occur. There’s a list of them and you can bet I have them memorized. When she got to be about 5 I decided to educate her on the condition she has and the symptoms she needs to tell me about if they occur.
She’s seven years old now and we go to Children’s Hospital once a year and have everything checked. Except now I have 2 girls that have to go get checked, monitored, scans ran, and anything else they need to do.
I guess the family’s medical history is in fact hereditary because when I got pregnant with my second daughter, Kinsley, all the emotions came back again. All the worry. All the what if’s. It was like I was reliving a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. She had something wrong with her heart as well. I had to go through the same process again. They do everything they can, but the realization is, you can only see/tell so much on the monitors. Once their born is when the real answers come.
When Kinsley was born they ran all the same tests and scans. Finally they came back with answers. She was born with her “flap” not completely closed. This flap is in all infants, the medical term is foramen ovale. It is normally present in the wall between the right and left upper chambers of the heart. It normally closes during infancy but when it doesn’t close, it’s called a patent foramen ovale. Most children or adults never know they have it unless its found testing for other things and most never need treatment for this disorder but again it still doesn’t make me worry any less.
We didn’t have to go to the NICU with Kinsley which was nice to be able to experience all the things I didn’t get to with Kylie. Like skin on skin time, being able to have all my family come at the same time (your only allowed so many visitors at a time & in a day in the NICU), and being able to breastfeed. I guess in reality I would of never known all the things I missed if I wouldn’t of had another baby.
There was a part of my pregnancy with both daughters that I just felt like I was broken. Like I couldn’t grow a normal child or something and I feel into a deep depression. Threw it all, God is what got me threw it all. I just tried to focus on all the positives, to be thankful that I even could conceive 2 beautiful daughters, and that God will always show me the way. It’s not as easy as it sounds, it was work. But when your a mom, you have no other option than to be strong because we are all our babies have. The only thing that I wish I had then, was other moms to talk to.
So to all the moms out there that have been threw any kind of scare with your baby, no matter how big or little, your not alone! To finally be able to share this feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders! No one outside of my family really knew about any of these things. And to not be able to talk threw things with other women suck! So if you decide to comment or share a little bit of your story also I just want you to know that there is no judgement here! This is a safe space for ALL women, we are all here to support one another, and to talk about things that are bothering us.
XOXO,
Rio
If you would like to read more about:
~ Heart Murmurs ~
~ VSD ~
VSD - VENTRICULAR SEPTAL DEFECT
This is what Kylie was born with. Over the years, skin has started to grow around the hole, but the hole its self still remains.
PFO "FLAP" - PATENT FORAMEN OVALE
This is what Kinsley has. It is a little flap that is suppose to close when a baby is born
ME BURPING KYLIE IN THE NICU
I barely slept, lived in pjs, and slept on that same couch for 3 weeks
KYLIE'S YEARLY CHECKUP
Every year, this is what we do. She has to lay like this for about an hour while the run tests, scans, and monitor her heart
SISTERS
Just 2 sisters getting their hearts checked. I'm so grateful they have each other threw this
KYLIE AT HOME
This was in the first week I got to take her home. This picture will always be grained into my mind. Her whole little tiny hand could wrap around my thumb
SISTER LOVE
Kylie holding her sister for the first time after we found out what heart problem she has
KINSLEY
At the hospital sleeping after tests were ran